The HIStory

once upon a time . . . 

baby octopus was born,  and he was ready to wup all them preschoolers ass for not knowing what sup.  


Nick at age two-ish
Then. . . after handling bizness - for his after party celebration, he was celebrating  by having himself some candy, crying, and strpping for the camera showing off his baby six pack for everyone.  
lol The End. cause sometimes. . . aint shit change. . . but. . . if you want to know more. . . well. . . 

A Small Snapshot of me - is all you're ever gonna' need. If you want to know more? Get to know me - and ask. I promise I'm nicer in person than online. It has to be that way- don't you know this is where the trolls live? 



"I'll Never be perfect, nor was I ever meant to be. It's time others start getting used to it too." 

I'll never be a perfect person - nor will I ever pretend to be one on the internet. I understand how the world works - however in today's "Fake Book" world - I've noticed that a lot of people try to fake their lives in ways that try to make it appear to look like they are someone they are not. A lot of people out here have struggles, demons, a lot of people out there have a wide range of issues that they deal with mentally on a day to day basis. There are a lot of warriors out there in more than one way. But how are we ever going to trust each other as human beings if we can't even be honest with each other or ourselves?

I'm not judging people or telling them what they should or shouldn't post. As an artist I will never tell anyone how to express themselves. But one can only imagine that it doesn't do you any favors when you try to keep up with an imaginary version of yourself! For the likes, of people you don't even know.
I found myself not necessarily attracted to people who try to pretend to be perfect anymore - because right off the bat I know your ass is lying. There has never been and will never be a perfect person. Perfection is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Some of what you'll learn about me on here i'm sure will appall some people - while others find it interesting and a turn on. It's all good with me because in the end I learned that so long as you are honest with yourself the right people will fall into place in your life.
When I first started showing signs of P.B.A I felt that people weren't willing to understand or simply think how it affected me and still does till this day. To sit there and cry for no reason, about three hundred days out of the year is not a pleasant experience and hasn't been. Therefore there are moments and even days that I am simply not a pleasant person to be around. I understand that shit.

Though, it shouldn't have been something that caused people to turn away from me and ghost me even more causing even deeper wounds in a time period where I needed someone unafraid to listen. No matter what was coming out of my mouth.  I can't tell you the amount of times I've been there for people who were thinking of harming themselves and never walked away no matter what came out their mouth! Because if you are a friend - you are a friend.  Until, I have to react otherwise.  If I am going to say anything that maybe makes a difference, let it be this. "If anyone is going through any kind of issue around you - give the person the ability -no- give them the "right" to express themselves on whatever it is and just listen!" I am in no way conventional - at all - and it's simply just the way I am. This website is dedicated to some of the therapeutic art forms that I have been lucky enough to do - and it makes me happy that maybe one person can find something - or - take something out of it! In the end - I'm just a dude from Fresno Cali, the Belmont side of things. This website is dedicated to some of the things I've created. Artwork, Novellas, Flash Fiction, Poems, but it is still just only a flash of who I am! 


A true Snapshot of me in its most flattering and unflattering forms. 

I'm a lover and a fighter from Fresno, Cali. 

I live by a rule of action-reaction. My mother was the same way and it's something that I take from her. However, sometimes it's not as easy with me because my humor, or mental state does take me in some pretty trippy paths - which can cause people to avoid me to a certain extent. Which I understand, I'm not stupid. That's fine. Because to me it's fair. However - what I will say about myself that I know for a fact is that when I am your friend - you will get all of everything that I have because friendship is something that I value.

Yes - I may say shit that you don't agree with - but isn't that true with everyone else? Troll patrol will always have some shit to say about every little single thing - as I'm sure you have witnessed in your life. Was no different in my life with the stuff I put out. It's not a problem.

For example let's talk about writing. Most of the novellas I had written were rough drafted by the time I was at least twenty five-ish. However, I started writing my first book "The Tragedy of Hiedler and pure love'' (which later I took the Hiedler part out and simply called it "The Tragedy of Pure Love",) - I started writing that one when I was sixteen seventeen years old!

Online, when I would send it out just to get proof read or ask people what they think about the story. They would pause in the first few pages simply because of the spelling errors that were on the rough draft. I'm a seventeen year old kid from Fresno Cali who struggled through school for the same reason - I'm trying to use my imagination and jot it down the best i could - and i would hear "Not worth reading because of the errors" "Not worth my time." So, hearing that type of shit and realizing that most people are unwilling to look past someone's errors even in a rough draft just to get a taste of the story I was putting out - showed me something about life at a very early age.

In fact, It reminded me a lot about school in general. Like when I was told by a teacher on the 8th grade graduation date just to "not show up."

"In this world some trolls are only going to help you if you eat their pussy first and even then they may not help you with shit."

So, I had two choices. Quit. Or figure out how I can get my manuscript edited. I contacted a company but I was broke as fuck and couldn't afford it. That was no one's fault. Then, as the internet grew smarter and wiser, I noticed more places that were offering editing assistance either for free or for a very small fee where you can use the tool for a month. Then I noticed text to speak programs that came out that allowed me to hear my story read back to me for the first time (which is a huge game changer!) next thing you know - I ended up spending two years of my life learning how to edit a manuscript. All by myself. Was it easy? no, of course not. Writing a book is one of the hardest things I ever did in my life - but in a lot of ways it was one of the most rewarding. One of the things I'm most proud of during this process is that I am proud that in my manuscripts there isn't one misspelled word *knock on wood. lol!*

I now understand "ok" is always "okay" and TV is always capitalized but never bigger than the rest of the text. So, in actuality it should look like this TV. I understand em-dash, indents, sink title pages, widows and orphans (for print!) *though some PDF files still have that glitch on eBooks gosh darn it!* I understand Garamond font, I understand page layout and drop caps. I even understand that there is nothing wrong with ever starting a sentence with "But", "and" or "Or" lol. Which all my teachers were wrong about! So, to the ones that told me not to "show up" - you can kiss my ass! I now understand all of this and about a thousand more little things that only live in the mind of a manuscript editor.  

Wanna' Know something else I understand even more now?

None of that meant shit to the story on the rough draft. If you can't look past someone's errors on their rough draft - or if you tell an author they are not worth reading because they can't spell. Then I wonder how many authors out there would actually have to stop writing. I dare say it - I found out quite a few of them can't spell worth shit - and you'd be surprised. The artist is not the editor. **In my case I became both** But if someone wrote something down and you agreed to look it over and you know it's a rough draft - stop comparing it to a finished printed manuscript and just listen to the story they are trying to tell! Leave typos to the people who are supposed to find those.

Two choices. Quit - or not give a fuck and keep doing you. In these cases these books were written simply because I wanted to. Even though I didn't know anything about writing a perfect manuscript at the time - I just simply wanted to write. It's like painting - to me they are from the same source of art form. So, I wasn't going to stop no matter how many trolls tried to get me to think I'm a piece of shit. Like . . . I remember that one guy from Australia who happened to come across my drafts back in the day. Called me all kinds of names for no damn reason and slammed my writing. So -

I told him "Don't hate what your gf loves!" ha ha ha ha bitch ass mfkas! 

Had to keep my eyes open and find out how I was going to be able to help myself because this is just like wiping your ass - no one is ever going to help you. ( Hey trolls, i'm talking to your assseeeessssss! hahahaha! yeah I'm writing like that Fuck you! hahahhaha) I'm real - I got issues - I have problems - everybody knows that - but I still am trying - or at least I tried for most of my life. I could have given up on myself a long time ago and became a meth head - Lord knows that would have been really easy to do here. But I mind my own business and I just did things from this little house which I grew up in - and for whatever reason even though everything I did was as an amateur - I got trolled by people expecting me to be something I wasn't. Even some people close to me dare I say only really seemed to care if I made any money doing any of this shit - as opposed to just taking interest, watching, engaging, in the process and struggle of someone who is giving it their best shot.   

What's up?


I trust very few - I and I would advise ya'll to do the same. And damn sure don't ever trust a troll! Free advice for you beginners out there. If they offer to help you then they care, if they don't and laugh at you as you fall, watch out and keep them far away from your shit until they come back begging to suck your dick (or eat your pussy) for my females out there.

The people that helped me the most were the people that shut the fuck up about my comma in the wrong spot, misspelled words - and actually paid attention to the true essence of the project. My story! 

 Those who are listening help the most . . . That is true with my books - as well as listening in life!! It's for them that I wanted to get better . . . was never for the trolls. In a way - this has become a metaphor of life. When someone listens to my story and understands that a writer's "vomit draft" isn't meant to be read as the next Newyork Times bestseller (just yet.). It is simply them sharing their idea with another brain - to get the feel, feed back, impact of the idea and story. 

 A real friend/critic knows what they are looking at and the goal that should be achieved with their help. They understand the Writer's art form is to try to pin a story down. That is their art. 

 A editors art form - is an art form within itself. Is it not? Have you ever seen a real editor at work on a manuscript? It's quite an amazing thing to watch. So, if you are ever in the situation where someone is honestly wanting to share an idea with you - in written form, know what you are looking at first if you agree to help them. I can't tell you how many people quit because of someone who just refused to listen to a story because it wasn't written well in a vomit draft!!

A troll can never understand this. Their job is to make you feel bad from the jump. Your job - is to piss on them later when you're walking on that bridge as the man (or woman.)

I love the 559 but you gotta' understand

The Belmont side of things. On any given day you never know what you're going to see out here. Just the other day I saw a guy trying to kidnap a woman across the street. A little while ago before that I saw a dude get beat down in the middle of that same street - and after that I saw a girl get pepper sprayed in the face by a dude in a car. Before that, we all saw that frozen man! lol There isn't anything conventional around here and expecting me (someone who is from here and born and raised in this exact spot) - to be conventional, is just not going to happen. I tried a long time ago when I was young - but the truth done took over.

 Trolls need food and I'm glad to be a poison piece of meat for them.  

So, I own my mistakes and I own what I think.  I'm one of these people that you'd just have to get to know in order to understand.  And that pic above says ME in a nutshell. Hickeys  all on my neck. From a nurse - and she was wild.  lol 

Never sexually harassing- because  I'm not a fucking piece of shit like that  has to "force myself" into anything. . . if that's you . . then you are what we call a "buster" here in the octopus mindset and you'll be dealt with.  Just like female abusers,  you'll get no respect if you hit a woman and I teach and preach against it to the younger generation.  They personally know I cant stand that shit.... some thing's on earth get me boiled to the point where the shot sends the dogs off to the races, and dudes beating on a woman to try to feel hard,  who should know better are things I personally cant stand.  If society needs to focus on that shit then do it, by all means do it and make them feel bad and bring them to justice... but instead what we have is people focused on trying to embarrass each other online.  Bfs sending revenge porn pics of their gf's online, and gf's sending revenge porn pics of their bfs online once something bad happens.   

I want to tell anyone who was ever caught up in that ''accidental porn star'' scenario and is thinking of taking their own life because of it - or feels so embarrassed because of if it - don't do it.   It's happened to me - and I own my mistakes - but what i won't tolerate is a troll trying to make someone feel ashamed of themselves! 

My words of advice to the people crying thinking of killing themselves because  a pussy troll post them out online, and feel embarrassed by it like your life fell apart?- Just know one thing - I love y'all, keep your head up- don't worry about it!  I promise you you're good and will be all right.  That sorry ass person that broke your trust and post your shit up, they tried to give meat to the trolls to embarrass you.  But its all good because a million other people will see you and actually love what they see.   Yes, tell cats to do the right thing and don't ever put yourself in that position,  but life is life and some of you already have! If that's you, just know you're now on team accidental porn star and I got your back! This is a lifetime pass to go on troll patrol and when u see a troll throw your middle fingers up and say fuck you! keep your heads up. 

And to the thousand of people that will later show u luv, if they are cool, show them luv right back. It trips me out to see people send me pics of their wallpaper on their phone and its got my face on it. I'm like damn, it does feel good. . . but hey just know people luv you as much as some hate you too.  And you'll make it through. If u made a mistake, just own it,  and move on because in the end revenge post isn't your fault to begin with.  

Far as how I see myself , always have always will. . . well. . .  I'm expendable, just an artist, a nobody. But I do enjoy the luv when it comes my way.  

Why am I even saying this? Why does this even have to be said? Because this about honesty - a snapshot of me.  And when I have to read a trolls message - I just know already that i don't care.   You ain't gonna fade is all I'm saying.  

The stuff I'm doing - I've been doing it since I was a kid. 

The first time I wrote anything that I thought was decent was a little kid book when I was ten or eleven years old. From that point on I used to write on a yellow notepad. I've always drawn and ever since I first touched the keyboard I started making music. I even did my very first tattoo on my arm single needle style when I was thirteen years old.

It ain't no thang - I'm just trying to share it with more people now. In fact, out of all the pills that I've had to take I will say that expressive artwork and it's worth to me has been a very positive one - even more sore than any of those damn pills! Even when it comes to martial arts (though it ultimately lead to my P.B.A) I will say that I'm lucky to have had the ability to do what I've done thus far. As I've mentioned above - it's not about anything else other than just simply sharing something and wanting someone to get something out of it - even if it's just one person - that makes me feel good about it all.

Most of the poems on here were written in my darkest reflections of myself, I learned that I can only be honest with what and who I am. They won't be uplifting because most were written in these last two years - and the last two years have been a hell of a fucked up time. The  trolls nation out there can tell me I'm not a real Author or Poet "because" - but the last time I checked my writing and my poetry will outlive me - therefore it means I am in fact an artist and writing was one of the art forms.

O' yeah - The fighter part.

If you're from here - you know what's up. That's pretty much all I gotta say about it. We have a fuck you if you're gonna' fuck with me type of attitude around here. As said "Action/Reaction". You know what - I think that's a good thing overall.

I'm not a perfect person as I mentioned it above - we all have some dark internal issue or problem with ourselves. In my case it can get hella' twisted and one thing I found that helped me keep cool throughout the battle in my brain - is to actually find something that combed all my emotions together.
Martial Arts - has helped me comb all those emotions to one place - and has provided a positive place for the battle in my brain - so - I was never going to stop it. In fact, I will encourage anyone who's reading this to give it a shot. Don't believe me?  Then Click Here Please!  

Sharing is caring - and the conclusion.

So - to sum me up. This is all you have to know. Everything I ever learned, no matter how big or small - I always tried to share with those that I felt asked or I saw needed help. The people that know me know that that is one thing that is true that even if our relationship ended up being damaged somehow - they will never be able to take that away from me. Don't always expect me to talk the way I write. lol When I am doing a book it is a long process - when you are talking to me you are getting . . . well . . . just me. 

 I am from Fresno California, I care about my people and couldn't give a fuck about trolls that try to make us not care about each other. I don't care if you are doing porn, a nun, a cop, or a crook, I'm going to listen to you, but I won't trust you until I see fit. 

 If I am your friend and you are my people- I'm willing to do anything I can to help you - even if the situation calls for losing my life. If you somehow made it into that zone - I got you. However, on the flip side - If your main goal is to fuck with me - then fuck you. Lol sorry people, being honest here. 

 I take a lot of cues from my mom but I will never be as good as she was at life - I'll always be the kid that just simply is minding my own damn business - sharing art - doing my thang - and appreciates love when it comes my way.

 -That's me, Folks - 

Copyright 2023 Nicholas Camarena. Eclipse Eye Productions
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